I had a bit of a meltdown in the last couple of weeks. I don’t know if you noticed…

So, yeah, things have been going poorly. In NaNoWriMo, I’m trying to tell a story in a genre I don’t like, that’s not a very interesting story, and I completed the key goal of the exercise (use characters to provide universe exposition) in the first few days. I’ve been having a conversation (can you call it that when it’s all EMail?) with someone of the female persuasion I’d really like to get to know better, but I can’t seem to find the words or courage to do anything about it, and it looks like I never will with anyone. My prop-making skills have failed me for the first time, which I will put down to being out of practice. My next project with King Cobra Theatre is not attracting funding, and it looks like I may not be able to get a cast unless I can get some serious help, and we probably won’t be able to go during the ideal week due to people’s availability for various reasons. My insomnia hit again with a vengeance, partly as effect, partly as cause with all the rest of this shit. And, on a quasi-happy note, I have applied for a job, which, in the event I get an interview, and I pass the interview, and they don’t turn me down because I don’t have any “real” experience (I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I had to work in a professional theatre in order to get the experience necessary to work in a professional theatre) (again), could change everything.

NaNoWriMo: Plot – the only viable means of interstellar travel is by teleporter, and a primary colonial survey team are trapped on a planet with hostile wildlife until their return trip is scheduled, and their military protection squad are rapidly running out of ammunition. So, yeah, not very interesting, right? Right. Survival thriller is not my favourite genre. I think the only piece of work I’m familiar with in that genre is Jurassic Park Alien being more simple horror, and Predator being an action film, above other genres. It has a footing in science fiction, which is my secondary genre, but still means I hardly write in it. Sci-fi is for play, fantasy is for creation. That’s why I’m taking a far more RP-like approach with my characters in Lord of the Rings Online than those in Star Trek Online. The story has a footing in science fiction, yes, but that footing has been covered in the technical challenge of the writing, which was using the characters as the primary tool of exposition – I needed a scenario that wasn’t immediately obvious, and a way to explain it without info dumping on the reader, and I had the idea of the Starship Troopers meets Jurassic Park thing kicking around in my head, so, yeah. Might make a half-decent movie,  but not a book. The goal of NaNoWriMo is 50,000 words. Before the meltdown I was looking to get maybe 30k, now I’ll be lucky to get 20k.

The ladyfriend: Pros – met her at a NaNoWriMo meet, so I know we have something in common. Good looking, intelligent, creative, and I’m sure there are others. Cons – she lives in London, which, while being closer than most of my past relationships, is still 200 miles away (and at least it’s in the same country, in theory), and she has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (not Elora Danan Syndrome, as I keep referring to it as). After my previous spectacular failures with women, I was trying to not have another long-distance relationship, and with my inability to be anything other than embarrassed and terrified when asking someone out, I probably won’t be in this case either. It’s still a bugger, though. I mean, at 35 you’d’ve thought I’d at least be able to tell a woman I’m attracted to her and so on.

Prop-making: Skipton Little Theatre are doing a production of Sherlock Holmes’ Christmas Casebook in early December, and we need a bendy poker. I had an idea about how to do it, it failed, and what with the meltdown I haven’t had the time to source additional materials to do the necessary re-inforcement of the structure. This is the first time I’ve ever sourced a prop that didn’t work as intended.

Henry V: I am in charge of King Cobra Theatre, an independent production company that I resurrected from my university days, and now works with actors with learning disabilities, in order to fulfil an ambition and take a show to the Edinburgh Festival. Whilst there, I had an idea for another show to take to the Festival next year (2014). Y’see, whilst at university in Edinburgh, I had the idea of converting Shakespeare’s Henry V to the modern day and England vs Scotland. The idea languished unattended to until a couple of months ago, when it was pointed out that there were very few shows at the 2013 Festival dealing with the Scottish Independence Referendum due in September 2014. Ding! Solid idea, solid audience base, solid publicity angle, let’s do this! Only problem is, not enough money to. Hence, the Indiegogo fundraising campaign, which has 3 weeks left to run, and we haven’t even got a quarter of our funding goal. Please, everybody – I am NOT doing this for fun! I am doing this because I am a performer and writer, and this could be a very credible chance at getting myself a fulfilling and interesting career. Most of the people I know seem to have their own fulfilling and interesting careers, so why can’t I have my chance at one? And why is no-one helping me achieve it? PLEASE, donate, and tell everybody you know about the campaign so they can donate too. As for casting difficulties, MTG are planning a summer tour of something, so they’re probably going to want to hog most of the people I’d like to cast, so unless we can come to some arrangement (unlikely, given that the boss hates me), I’m going to have to spend more of my (currently non-existent) budget on finding cast and getting them to rehearsals.
Insomnia: I’m a bit of a night owl. I haven’t got up early and felt good since I was at school, and I’ve always gone to bed late. When I’m focused on something, I tend not to notice that I’m hungry or tired until I glance at the time realise, “shit, I should have eaten/gone to bed hours ago!” And there comes a point when, say at 3.30am or later, that you just think, “fuck it, it’s going to be easier to stay up and get a proper sleep tomorrow night.” Well, in the last few years, that’s been harder and harder to pull off. It leads to a few weeks of getting up at 2pm or later, realising there’s bugger all you can do in the remaining opening hours, despairing, and playing games to cheer up. That leads to another early morning, I come to a break an my brain feels like fog, and I think, “I’ll just take an hour’s power nap or so, I’ll set a couple of alarms,” and then it’s 2pm again and start all over again. I think I finally managed to get my sleep cycle reset last night/this morning, but until tonight, it’s too early to tell, and I’ll have no way of knowing if it’s held for at least another week. In the meantime it’s the usual routine of going to bed no later than 1am and lying there for a long time agonising over pet neuroses and fantasising about killing the fuckwits who are ruining/have ruined my life until I fall asleep. If I fall asleep within 90 minutes, it’s probably going to be alright, if not I’ll be awake in mental Hell until at least 5am, at which point exhaustion kicks in and I wake up in the afternoon.So, yeah, I’ve not had a great couple of weeks.

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